There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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