She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
