I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
