I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
