Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
