God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i think i just lost a toe
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
