I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Welp...herpes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
