I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
