I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
