that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
