just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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