His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
