bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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