I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize