Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
