6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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