First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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