i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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