I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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