dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
