I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize