At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
