I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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