hotel room ftw
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
