How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
