I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
