that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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