I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
