her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
