I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
