Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Still dying that you shit outside
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
