Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Im part way to drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
