your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i barfeds in our rink
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
