I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
