I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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