you turned your livingroom into a bong?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
