Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
