Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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