it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
