I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
