so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
