Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
