I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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