just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
