This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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