i need an iv and a liver transplant
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
