all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
