my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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