You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize