The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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