Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
