I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize