it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
that's an acceptable place to lick
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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