I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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