i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize