Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
