Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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