I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
