I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
