How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
