Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
