you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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