That's when you crack a 10am beer
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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