i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We don't watch enough power rangers
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
