Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
