Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
